Ruth Heneke Eliot

For most of us, facing sexual problems feels really  isolating, distressing & embarassing. If you’re reading this I imagine you’ve already overcome the self-conscious instinct to avoid talking about the issue as long as possible and now find yourself taking the difficult step to reach out for help. Unfortunately, scrolling through endless profiles offering the same ‘safe, non-judgemental space’, and lots of mysterious jargon is probably so overwhelming you might well want to avoid this process too! If so, I relate! Shoot me a message to arrange a no-obligation, 30 min chat about what’s going on so you can get a sense of my vibe and decide whether we’re a good fit from there.

I work with people who’re feeling anxious about their sexual behaviours, desires, bodies, relationships or past. Often the anxiety is so overpowering it makes it impossible to access the kind of ease, connection, pleasure or confidence they’d like in their sex lives. Maybe you’re feeling ashamed about your body- its ability to ‘function’ sexually, what it looks like, how it feels or how its changing? Maybe you’re feeling uncomfortable with who or what turns you on- desiring people or fantasies that feel at odds with your identity, values, culture or relationship? Maybe you’re worried about not feeling enough desire, pleasure or satisfaction? Maybe you feel out of control of your behaviour, and engage in sex in ways that get in the way of your life, relationships or self-regard? Maybe non-sexual life events such as parenthood, fertility issues, transition, loss or trauma are impacting sex in uncomfortable ways.

You are not alone and the pain you’re feeling isn’t a life sentence. I know from personal and clinical experience that therapy can generate profound and lasting transformation. I’ve worked with clients who, after years of suffering, found relief, hope and healing via the therapeutic process. We will establish a relationship in which you can experience genuine non-judgement, empathy, authenticity and accountability. Within this context, we will explore your presenting issue & its context- the physical, psychological and socio-cultural realities that surround it. This process will support you to develop insight, shift the patterns and narratives that sustain the problem and ultimately generate new possibilities for sexual confidence and pleasure.

I’m a sex and relationships psychotherapist trained in Pluralism,  a type of therapy that prioritises the therapist adapting their approach to the specific needs of individual clients, on the premise that there’s no one universally superior approach but instead what works best for one client won’t be the same as what works best for another. This involves collaborating together over time to discover what works for YOU. We’ll explore the role of core identity, experiences & beliefs in your distress alongside introducing practical, behavioural changes. How we do this depends on what’s useful for you. More or less directive? Psycho-education? Mindfulness? Creativity? Narrative? Concepts? Trauma-processing? Culture? Skills-focused? TBC!

The therapy swimming pool: Down at the deep end lies our core identities, values, beliefs, memories, traumas, cultural norms & the legacies of our early experiences. At the shallow end lies our present-day circumstances- our lifestyle, (sexual) habits, communication patterns, relationship dynamics, resources, thought patterns etc.

I believe the most transformative therapy to involve moving between deep-dive psychological exploration and supporting practical changes in the present.